When you start a relationship with a new partner and you have toys you have used personally or with another partner, is it ok to use the same toy from partner to partner?  Toys can be expensive… ranging from $20 to hundreds even thousands of dollars so to just toss them every time you start a new relationship can really add up.  But is it OK to use a toy that has shared intimate moments with another lover?  Well, it depends on you and your partners preferences.

Toys are made from many different materials and some toys are easier to clean that others.  Toys made from jellies, rubbers, and plastics are more porous that toys made from silicone, glass and metals.  Because these toys are porous, these toys should not be shared with a new partner.  Good news is plastic and jelly toys are usually inexpensive and shouldn’t cost too much to replace.  I also don’t recommend toys made from these materials as they contain phthalates which can cause cancer.  So, what about Silicone, glass, and metal toys…. can they be used with a new partner?

Adult toy cleaners today are amazing. They are strong enough to kill all the bacteria and sterilize your toys without damaging the materials used to make your toys.  If you are using regular household cleaners on your toys, these can actually damage your toys and even harm you!  People often use antibacterial dish soap, rubbing alcohol, throw their toy in the dishwasher or even boiling water to try to clean and disinfect their toys.  These options are not effective for many reasons.  Soaps often leave a residue behind and that residue can really mess with your PH levels inside the vagina.  Just because something is great for cleaning your skin or your dishes, doesn’t mean it is PH balanced for your body.  Harsh cleaners often used in anti-bacterial soaps actually breakdown the materials your toys are made from; causing cracking and pitting to the material.  These cracks and pits become a place for bacterial to harbor and grow making it extra hard to clean while bacteria hides in small cracks.  Putting toys in the dishwasher or using boiling water exposes your toys to very high temperatures and can melt inside components, damage motors and weaken the materials used on the outside of your toys. Only glass toys can be boiled and sterilized without damage being done to the toy.

Investing in a great toy cleaner is affordable and necessary.  Toys need to be cleaned before AND after use unless your toy is being stored in a bag with anti-microbial lining to keep your toys clean between use.  By placing your clean toy in an antimicrobial bag, this prevents dirt, dust and other things from contaminating your toys between use.  This also eliminates the need to wash your toy before use as you toy is clean and ready to go.  Even if you are not using toys with a partner, a great toy cleaner is still necessary.   These cleaners can prevent things like reoccurring yeast infections that you might otherwise give back to yourself by not cleaning the toy between uses and the bacteria can live breed and grow on your toy if not cleaner properly.  A great cleaner will keep the toy free from bacteria and be gentle enough to use on all materials today’s toys are made from.

To some people, the whole idea of using a toy that has been used with another lover is just plain gross.  I have heard women say that they wouldn’t want anything that has been used in other women inserted into their bodies.  Does that include their new partners fingers, tongue or penis? Where is the line drawn?  Why is it ok to for a body part to enter a vagina but not a toy?  This is why this topic is controversial; some people have very strong feeling about this, and other’s only say good hygiene in important.

So back to the question at hand… can you use a toy from a previous relationship with your new partner? Once you know your toys are clean, you should decide together with your new partner if you feel comfortable using them together or starting over fresh with new toys.   This really comes down to personal preference.  Some people are concerned about sterilization, and to some people it comes down to respect.  Always ask your new partner what they are comfortable with.  Maybe they won’t want those toys to be used at all, maybe they will only want those toys used on you and not themselves… maybe they are fine with it all because they know the toys have been sanitized.  They best way to know is to ask.  This question comes down to personal preferences as a toy that has been properly cleaned can be used with a new partner.   But before you introduce any toys into the bedroom, new or previously used, you always want to have a conversation to find out what your partner is comfortable with.

How do I pick a lube?

Personal Lubricants make sex better. But how do you know which one to buy? Not everything works for everyone and some will work better with your body than others. How do you choose what will be right for you?

If you have had sensitivity to lubes in the past, pick a lube with the fewest ingredients possible.  Many people report itching from lubes and more often than not the ingredient that causes that is glycerin which can be found in all types of lube.  Glycerin is a thickening agent use to make lubes last longer, thicken up and not be so watery.  

Water Based Lubes

A water-based lubricant is the best place to start. Since our bodies are made of mostly water, a water-based lubricant will likely be a great option for you. Your body will assimilate the lube slowly and usually without issues. These lubes are safe to use with toys, condoms, your partner, and all by yourself. They are especially great for people with sensitive skin.

There are a huge variety of water-based lubes on the market, some with scents and flavoring, and some are fragrance and flavor free. Water based lubes vary in thickness and ingredients, but since your body absorbs lubrication during use, a water-based lube is usually best.

Another reason people love water-based lubes is because they are non-staining making it easy to remove from clothes and sheets. Depending on the lube you choose, it may last awhile without having to reapply frequently or it can dry up easily and need constant reapplication. The differences between these will be the other ingredients the lube is mixed with. These other ingredients are the things that make the lube thicker, flavored, scented and can cause irritation for some people. Also, the other ingredients added to the lube can cause the lubricant to become sticky. Not all water-based lubes are created equal and can vary substantially from product to product. There are great water-based lubes that last for a long time and are not sticky but of course it depends on the ingredients. I recommend trying a few so you can see the differences between them.  The best water-based lubes are PH-balanced to make sure irritation and infections don’t become an issue.

Silicone Lubricants

Silicone lubes are great for long lasting action. The silicone base provides an extra slippery sensation which is great for anal play, masturbation and marathon sex. This lube will last a very long-time during sex without the need for reapplying frequently. This ensures one bottle will last a lot longer than a water based lube. Another great thing about silicone lube is you can use this lubricant for water play. Have you ever tried to have sex in the water? It starts out fun, then the friction gets so uncomfortable it takes all the sexiness away. Use a little silicone lube for sexy waterplay and make those water play desires a reality.

However, silicone lubes do have some downsides. First, silicone lubes and silicone toys do not play nice together. This lube will actually breakdown the silicone in toys and therefore is not compatible with silicone toy play. Many toys are made from silicone now because of the velvety and smooth texture, the non-porous material also makes it easier to clean. You don’t want to ruin your expensive toy by using silicone lube with it. You can still use this lubricant with toys made from metal, glass, and hard plastic.

Also silicone lube is much harder to clean up because it doesn’t break down with water. A good toy cleaner will cut the slip and make clean up a breeze. Try to avoid spilling silicone lube on the floors and that spot will remain slippery for a long time. Silicone does also stain clothing and sheets.

Oil Based Lubricants

Oil Based lubes are still a thing but are becoming less popular as there are better options available. Oil based lubes break down condoms, diaphragms, and latex toys. These lubes are hard to clean and also stain clothing/ sheets. People have been using things like olive oil and petroleum jelly as a lubricant for years. Oil lubes take several days for you body to work it’s way out and can trap bacteria in it’s tacky texture. These trapped bacteria makes it more likely for infections like Bacterial Vaginosis.

Coconut oil is a popular oil-based lubricant and is not necessarily a good option. Some people will swear by using coconut oil as a natural lubricant and as much as I would love for this to be a great solution, it’s actually not good for you. Coconut oil is antifungal and antibacterial which sound great but can actually disturb the good bacteria in your vagina. When you kill the good bacteria, you disrupt your natural ph balance and get a yeast infection. Also, the oil coats your vaginal walls making it difficult for your body to self-clean. And of course the oil breaks down condoms and some toys as well.

Lubes for trying to conceive.

If you are trying to get pregnant, there are just a few lube options for you. Because most lubes will slow down sperm, you will need to chose a lube that is sperm friendly. Even a regular water based lube will slow down sperm. These specialized lubes are very watery and will need constant reapplication. Talk with your doctor to get a recommendation on sperm friendly lube. Silicone and oil lubes are not an option if you are trying to conceive.